The Threat of Injury
I awoke dreaming pain, remembering the dream of pain, not sure of the distance between reality and dream. I dreamt the pulsing, pounding, excruciating pain behind my eye, the tormented compulsion to toss, to turn, to move, to pace. I dreamt a headache, a migraine, my own private impenetrable torture. And I awoke, wondering if the dream was real, had I simply failed to wake from the pain? or is my mind capable of recreating the experience that vividly in sleep? I do not know the truth. I'm not sure that the truth matters.
This of course has nothing to do with running. Except that pain, the dream of pain, the spectre of pain, and the fear of pain belong both to sleep and to life, and have everything to do with running. Most of us see the act of running as being to some degree traumatic or massochistic. A runner pushes the limits of their body. Learning to judge pain and interpret its meanings makes you a better runner, a healthier runner. Nevertheless, as a runner you stand forever on the threshold between pleasure and agony. Push too far, and your body will punish you for punishing it. Even the best of runs is traumatizing in that it destabilizes the prior equilibrium of life and body. The best run leaves you sweaty, thirsty, tired, and simultaneously happier and refreshed. And then there is the always mentioned runner's high. Running produces addictive endorphins, leaving you euphoric and eager for more.
But what happens when that euphoria is accompanied by pain? by injury? Is it wrong to love the aches, the limps, the injuries that mark your tortured body, because in them is the memory of pleasure? Is it wrong to push through that pain, knowing that such a disavowal of your body's wants, needs and desires will only lead to more pain? Did I dream pain because I love pain?
This is a very long way of saying that my hip is bothering me and that I am trying to let it heal and not run. This is also a way of saying that I enjoy way my stomach feels as though somebody has been digging at it with a grapefruit spoon from the ab exercises I did yesterday. At the same time, the spasms of pain that shoot down my hip if I step slightly awry and the pulsating pain of my dream-ache, scare me. I am frightened that my body won't allow me to train for this marathon. I am frightened of the pain that will amass over twenty-six miles. I am frightened by the fact that I knew when I signed up for this marathon that I was signing up for pain and yet I did it anyway. I am frightened that I awoke dreaming pain.
----
Anyway, I promised a summary of last week's running efforts, and so far I have not delivered. So in short, I managed 14 miles, running all my scheduled runs except for Sunday's, which I chose not to do because my hip needed to recover. I'm adding pilates to my regime in the hopes of making injury less likely and to help rehabilitate my hip (which is most likely hurting because of tightness in my lower back due to weakness in my abs... or so says runnersworld.com when I looked up hip pain and running). My goal for this week is to let my hip heal so that this does not become an ongoing saga. If I have to take the entire week off of running, I will do so. But I will try to substitute in some biking or swimming (whatever feels more comfortable).
Monday - rest
Tuesday - 4 miles
Wednesday - rest
Thursday - 4 miles
Friday - rest
Saturday - 6 miles
Sunday - rest/pilates
Total: 14 miles
'till next time :-)
This of course has nothing to do with running. Except that pain, the dream of pain, the spectre of pain, and the fear of pain belong both to sleep and to life, and have everything to do with running. Most of us see the act of running as being to some degree traumatic or massochistic. A runner pushes the limits of their body. Learning to judge pain and interpret its meanings makes you a better runner, a healthier runner. Nevertheless, as a runner you stand forever on the threshold between pleasure and agony. Push too far, and your body will punish you for punishing it. Even the best of runs is traumatizing in that it destabilizes the prior equilibrium of life and body. The best run leaves you sweaty, thirsty, tired, and simultaneously happier and refreshed. And then there is the always mentioned runner's high. Running produces addictive endorphins, leaving you euphoric and eager for more.
But what happens when that euphoria is accompanied by pain? by injury? Is it wrong to love the aches, the limps, the injuries that mark your tortured body, because in them is the memory of pleasure? Is it wrong to push through that pain, knowing that such a disavowal of your body's wants, needs and desires will only lead to more pain? Did I dream pain because I love pain?
This is a very long way of saying that my hip is bothering me and that I am trying to let it heal and not run. This is also a way of saying that I enjoy way my stomach feels as though somebody has been digging at it with a grapefruit spoon from the ab exercises I did yesterday. At the same time, the spasms of pain that shoot down my hip if I step slightly awry and the pulsating pain of my dream-ache, scare me. I am frightened that my body won't allow me to train for this marathon. I am frightened of the pain that will amass over twenty-six miles. I am frightened by the fact that I knew when I signed up for this marathon that I was signing up for pain and yet I did it anyway. I am frightened that I awoke dreaming pain.
----
Anyway, I promised a summary of last week's running efforts, and so far I have not delivered. So in short, I managed 14 miles, running all my scheduled runs except for Sunday's, which I chose not to do because my hip needed to recover. I'm adding pilates to my regime in the hopes of making injury less likely and to help rehabilitate my hip (which is most likely hurting because of tightness in my lower back due to weakness in my abs... or so says runnersworld.com when I looked up hip pain and running). My goal for this week is to let my hip heal so that this does not become an ongoing saga. If I have to take the entire week off of running, I will do so. But I will try to substitute in some biking or swimming (whatever feels more comfortable).
Monday - rest
Tuesday - 4 miles
Wednesday - rest
Thursday - 4 miles
Friday - rest
Saturday - 6 miles
Sunday - rest/pilates
Total: 14 miles
'till next time :-)
posted by Lynn at 5:05 PM
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