My Marathon Journal

Back in the Hotel

2006-07-07T01:21:00.000-04:00

Me after the marathon
Originally uploaded by mugalynn.

I don't really look like I just ran 26.2 miles, do I?

Su crossing the finish line

2006-07-07T01:10:00.000-04:00

Su crossing the finish line
Originally uploaded by mugalynn.

I wish my pictures showed the word "Finish."

Me crossing the finish line

2006-07-07T01:09:00.000-04:00

Me crossing the finish line
Originally uploaded by mugalynn.

I look slightly less like I'm going to die in this one.

Me crossing the finish

2006-07-07T01:06:00.000-04:00

Me crossing the finish
Originally uploaded by mugalynn.

The Marathon

2006-06-28T15:48:00.000-04:00

Oh, the long awaited post... the marathon itself.

The day before the marathon was spent in almost painful anticipation. We were in Alaska but we weren't supposed to exert ourselves. The city itself was kind of ugly, the walk to the expo was long, and I needed to figure out where a grocery store was and buy sports beverages and food for breakfast before the marathon and recovery after. There was a strategy meeting at 5 followed by a pasta dinner at 7, but a long day stretched out between 8:30 am and 5:00 pm. Slowly it ticked away. Su finally arrived after missing her flight and spending the night in the Seattle airport. We found a little grocery store and combed the aisles for bagels and chocolate milk and gatorade. We bought a foam cooler and lugged it back to the room. It was useful for keeping our milk cold and we knew it would come in handy for the dreaded ice baths. We went to the strategy meeting and the pasta party and choked the almost edible food (I could make better pasta with my eyes closed) and then went back to the hotel room. My plan was to lay out everything I would need, take a hot bath, and go to sleep. The only problem was, I had too many decisions to make: which shoes? which socks? do I bring a fleece or hope that Alaska isn't too cold at 6 am? I also still had to sew all the ribbons onto my jersey. As the night progressed I got more obsessive about the details, filling up my gel flask and my water bottles, pinning my number onto my shirt, practically pacing the room. Finally, there was nothing left to worry about. I took a long hot bath, set my alarm for 5:15 am, and crawled into bed.

When it went off in the morning, I wished I had set it for earlier. Eating took too much time, as did frantically searching for forgotten essentials. I felt panicked and rushed as I ran downstairs for the group photo only to take the elevator up to my room five minutes later to look one last time for... I honestly can't quite remember what. We took photos and piled on the bus only to sit in a parking lot for over an hour. Of course as the start drew near I desperately needed the bathroom, along with every other person in the parking lot. I waited in line for almost half an hour, emergining five minutes before the start. And we were off.

At first you were more walking than running there was so much congestion near the start line. I was eager to break free into some open air so I soon left my friends behind, skirting up the sides to get into open patches. I picked out a girl about my age running about my pace and introduced myself to her. She was from Indiana, and we ran together for the first ten miles. But about one mile in we saw a moose. He??? (I didn't get a good look) was running along side of the road, just on the other side of a fence, right by the highway. Everyone cheered, and I fumbled for my camera, taking a picture that might have a moose lurking in it somewhere but really is just a picture of a fence and trees. Still, with a moose spotted, I was ready to go home. Except, wait, there were still 25.2 more miles to go! Almost immediately after the moose, I managed to drop my fuel belt and had to go backwards dodging runners to collect the belt and my cell phone which had slipped free. I got it back on and caught back up to Indiana though, and we continued on our way.

I liked Indiana's pace, but she didn't slow down quite as much as I wanted to going through water stops. I had totally planned on walking through the stops, but she was anxious to keep moving. Perhaps because of this, and perhaps because of my relatively unbroken in shoes, or perhaps because of the tank trail which started around mile seven or eight and went on for another 9 or 10 miles, my hip started to bother me. It started hurting around mile ten, and by mile thirteen I was walking and crying and worried that I was never going to finish the race. I tried to run 8 minutes and walk 2, but the switching back and forth proved to be the most painful part, so I decided to just try and run for thirty minutes. I told myself that if I could manage that, I would let myself walk for twenty. Luckily that never had to happen, as I started running again, the hip started loosening up, and by the time the thirty minutes were up we were pretty much done with the tank trail. Once I was back on even ground again, everything started feeling much better.

Once I started running again, I started passing people that had passed me in the previous couple of miles. At first, it was other people that had been run-walking like me. But by mile eighteen, I was seeing familiar TNT faces too. Around mile 18, I was adopted by a woman named Suzie. She had been running with a bunch of friends when one of them started feeling really dizzy around mile 9. She had walked her friend to the first aid station and stayed with her until she was whisked off to a hospital. All of her friends had gone on without her, so she had been running by herself. When she found out that it was my first marathon, she made it her mission to talk me through the last six miles. She told me about her other marathons, and her family. She told me different visualization techniques to use to get outside my body so that I could forget the pain. She also told me to run each of the last six miles for somebody I loved. Around mile 22 we caught up to her friends, and a couple miles later I fell back a little. But I kept them in sight the whole rest of the way, and I have a picture with them at the finish line. I'm not sure I would have kept running all of those miles if it hadn't been for Suzie. Some day I want to do that for somebody else. Of course, I'll have to get to the point where I am capable of talking during the last six miles before that is an option.

So did the last six miles hurt? Yes, in a dull achey sort of way... in a this pain has been going on for too long and just needs to stop sort of way... in a I'm just unbelievably tired sort of way. I don't know if I actually hit a wall. I fell apart around mile 13 and that was the hardest part of the race mentally and physically. It was during those earlier miles that I felt searing pain and wondered if I could finish. I don't know whether I was capable of doing math during those last six miles, I know that I had stopped caring about what pace I was going or how long we had been running for. I did still vaguely want to finish under five hours. But when Suzie suggested that a 4:40 was still possible, I could have cared less. I finished in 4 hours and 52 minutes. I even managed to sprint in the last 50 yards.

I posed for a picture with Suzie and crew and then made it about five more steps before I got whisked away to the first aid tent. Apparently it was somewhat alarming that I couldn't really walk once I stopped running. My hip was spasming, but as soon as I sat down that was more manageable. Taking care of myself after the marathon was one of the hardest parts. Walking hurt so badly and I knew that I needed to eat and drink and sign in at the TNT tent. I spent the next hour and a half hobbling around the finish area talking on the phone to all sorts of people and standing in line for a massage.

I took the bus back to the hotel, took my ice bath, read my book and tried to make it out to the victory party. The problem was, after I took the ice bath I couldn't get warm, until we got to the victory party, where I was burning up. The food wasn't very good, and I couldn't choke much of it down. So we left with a bunch of people and went to a bar where I planned to get more food. Instead I drank a beer, tottered back to the hotel room and fell asleep.

Su and I were extremely gimpy for the next few days, and the pain was significant but we recovered fairly quickly and had a fantastic time in Alaska. This post is already very long, so I won't dwell on the recovery right now. But overall the pain was worth it. The marathon was full of people wearing TNT purple, and the support along the course was amazing. I didn't write my name on my jersey, but all along the course I got cheers of "go Georgia" and "go Peach". There weren't a lot of spectators but they made up for it in spirit. A coach from the Illinois team ran with me for about half a mile and gave me some advice on how to loosen my hip up further around mile 17. He waws so sure that I would finish, that I knew I had to keep going. Running a marathon was both easier and harder than I thought it would be, but I'm glad I did it.... and I'm already signed up to run another one (although this time I won't be fundraising).

Two Right Shoes

2006-06-21T13:05:00.000-04:00

I went to Alaska via California, where I spent a week visiting a Jerry (whatever species of animal that might be). During that week I was supposed to taper, but still run. So, a couple of days in, I go to pull out my running shoes. Much to my dismay, I had carefully packed two right shoes. At the beginning of this whole process, I had bought two identical pairs of shoes, so that I would not have to buy new shoes right before the marathon. Before I left for California, I sat on my couch with the right shoes on one side, the left shoes on the other and spent a good ten minutes trying to figure out exactly which two shoes had the most support left in them, and then packed them away. Except, somehow I managed to carefully stow away two right shoes.

So in California, at 8:00 on a Sunday evening, I sat there clutching my two right shoes, calling shoe stores to see if anyone was open, absolutely desperate for a run. And when I say I was desperate for a run, I mean that I was being an absolute total brat because it had been several days since I had a runner's high... or at least that is my excuse. Unfortunately, everyone had closed at 7:00. The next day, on the way to the beach, we went to four different running stores, trying to find one that had my size in the two models that I was considering. I wanted to try the Kayanos too, because I thought the extra padding might be worth the extra $40. Finally, around 2:00 in the afternoon we were standing in a Lady Footlocker (not the type of store I like to buy running shoes from) and I was frantically trying to decide between the Kayanos which my foot seemed to swim in, and the 2110s which hurt until i break them in. At this point I was hungry and beyond crabby and I think Jerry was about to just abandon ship and leave me standing in the mall agonizing over which pair of shoes to run 26.2 miles in. Luckily, I eventually made a decision, we ate food, and life got better. The 2110s won and we proceeded to the beach where we went on a fun but slightly painful run. The next day I went on another run, this one quite painful by the end. I decided to call Su and have her get my left shoes from my apartment and bring them to the marathon in Alaska. That way I could always go back to what I had trained with.

But first, I called Delta to make sure that I could cancel the first half of my ticket and fly the second half. Well, that was strictly not allowed. I could spend $300 to fly the same flight I had already paid $600 for, or I could buy a new flight (on a cheaper airline) and end up with a $600 credit on Delta. I found a third option. I added a flight home to the tail end of my trip and cut off the first leg, so for a grand total of $117 I can get back to Atlanta from Alaska and get up to DC the day after my birthday to celebrate with the rents. I just need to buy a return ticket. So it ended up being no big deal, but after the great shoe disaster of 2006 I was a little concerned.

So I finally get up to Alaska and am faced the night before the race with three pairs of running shoes (Su did not know which one to bring). I try on the old ones, which were a half size smaller than the new ones, and they feel too tight. They make the blister on my left toe feel as though it is going to explode. Then I try on the new ones, they just hurt. Having them on for a few minutes makes my arches ache. I jog back and forth a few times in the hotel room in both pairs (I did not feel the need to try the third pair). Finally in desperation, I try taking the old insoles out and putting them in the new shoes. I did not think it would work because of the size difference, but lo and behold, it did. And it felt comfortable. So I added my new shoes (both a left and a right) to the pile of running clothes I had already laid out, took a long relaxing bath, and went to bed nervously awaiting the next morning.

Frustration

2006-05-21T09:10:00.000-04:00

My eighteen mile run did not happen last week. What happened instead was a fourteen mile run marked by feverish hot and cold chills and the feeling that my body was shutting down around my ears. It didn't seem worth pushing it. I ran a fever most of the week before, and had trouble eating and sleeping. When it came time to run, there just weren't appropriate reserves.

This week went a little more smoothly, I fit in three mid-week runs, and the long run was only supposed to be 10 miles, which seemed like it would be a piece of cake. Unfortunately, I still don't think I ate enough the night before, and it was easily ten degrees warmer than it had been of late. I didn't sleep more than six hours on Friday night, and not long into the run it became clear to me that I was once again running on fumes. This time, at least, I knew I wasn't sick, and I also knew that I wasn't prepared to not finish. So, I dropped back from the pack and took things slower... trying to find a pace I was comfortable with. Of course, since I always run with the group, I've sort of stopped carrying a map and I missed the last turn that I was unfamiliar with. Six mile later, with no water stops and without fueling appropriately, I had found my way back. My route was pretty much the appropriate length, but I certainly didn't run it smart.

So, of course, I got sick from not eating enough or drinking enough while I ran, and I was throwing my party... so being sick wasn't an option. Thank god, for Pepto Bismol. Su and I then spent the afternoon running around and setting up for what turned out to be a fun but very intimate party. Now I'm exhausted, have leftover beer for 30, leftover ziti for 20, and still have $779 to go with the fundraising. My party attendees suggested I sell the beer... we'll have to see.

Anyway, this week is going to be a running intense week... 10 miles on Wednesday and 20 on Saturday... but, Saturday I will be in DC! Anyone want to run 20 miles with me???

Okay... I've reached the point of grovelling....

2006-05-12T10:32:00.000-04:00

So,

I'm $1000 away from my fundraising goal, with a month left to go and I'm reaching the point of sheer panic. If you have been reading this blog, and enjoying it, and want to help me out, please think about donating. $1000 is 10 people donating $100, or 20 people donating $50, or 40 people donating $25, or 50 people donating $20, or 66 2/3 people donating $15, or 100 people donating $10, or 200 people donating $5 (doing math is fun). No donation is too small or too large (though I might have trouble finding 1000 people to donate $1). This blog has links to my fundraising page, where you can donate with a credit card... or you can mail me a check made out to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society... just email me for the address

What do you get for your money? My eternal gratitude, a very nice thank you note, and a picture of me crossing the finish line. If you want more than that, and live in Atlanta... I'm probably going to be throwing a party on May 20 and at said party your donation of $20 or more will entitle you to "free" booze and food... so keep the date open. If you want more than that and you live in DC or are planning to be in DC for the summer, I am probably going to be throwing a party on June 4th. More details will hopefully follow.

But what do you really get for your money? The team goal for the Atlanta Alaska Team is $260,000. Raising $200,000 will allow The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society to fund one Translational Research Program for one year. This research program encourages and provides support for new and novel clinical research. The program’s purpose is to fund research that shows high promise for translating basic biomedical knowledge to prevention or new treatments and, ultimately, to prolong and enhance life.

Dr. Christopher Flowers is currently supported by a Translational Research Grant from the Society at Emory University right here in Georgia. Dr. Flowers and his team have identified the subset of donor T-cells that are responsible for causing Graft vs. Host Disease (GvHD), a life-threatening condition brought on by bone marrow transplants with less than a perfect match. They have proposed a way to eliminate these cells from the transplant sample by treating with a type of chemotherapy. The likely outcome of this work will be a new method of transplantation that eliminates one of the most serious potential side effects.

That extra $60,000? Raising $50,000 will allow The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society to fund one Special Fellowship for one year. Special fellows are qualified investigators who have completed a minimum of two years post-doctoral research training and are continuing their research under the direction of a research Sponsor. The Special Fellowship should permit the scientist to transition to an independent research program.

Hinh Ly, PhD is currently supported by a special fellowship from the Society at Emory University in Georgia. Dr. Ly is studying a component of cell machinery that is critically linked to the control of cell growth – the telmerase complex. The likely outcome of his work is a better understanding of this critical piece of cell machinery and how we might use it to regain control of the cancer cell’s growth.

If we exceed our team goal and raise 270,000? That last 20,0000 could be used to support approximately five education programs for patients and families in the State of Georgia, award continuing education units to nurses and social workers, and sponsor five back to school programs.

The Society believes that education is a vital tool to survivorship for patients. Providing education to medical professionals that provide treatment and services to blood cancer patients is also critical to receiving quality health care. The Trish Greene Back To School Program For The Child With Cancer promotes teamwork among medical and school professionals and parents to ensure a successful re-entry to school for children diagnosed with any type of cancer.

If you need to put a face to the disease, go to my fundraising page, take a good look at Elijah, and imagine what the last few years must have been like for him and his family. Or take a look at Abby and Ryan's stories. I've spent the last week laid up with the touch of the flu. I've called countless friends and whined, been a baby, and lamented the time I haven't been able to spend running or getting my work done. Take those feelings of suffering and frustration that we all have when we are sick, multiply it by at least a thousand, and you can begin to imagine what these children (and adults) have gone through or are going through. Try to imagine what it would be like to be three, or four, or five and poked and prodded, constantly sick, and not understand what was happening to you. Try to imagine being the parent of that three, or four, or five year old.

I'm asking you to donate for me, and rescue me from my panic. But, I'm also asking you to donate to this cause because it is a good cause, because this is a good organization, and because I believe we can make this world a little better.

If you are still reading at this point, I have one more request. If someone in your life has been touched by this disease (or any other cancer) and you want me to honor them when I run, please either mail me a ribbon (of any color...) with your personal hero's name written on the ribbon, or email me a name and I will write it on the ribbon. I will pin all of the ribbons to my jersey when I run in Alaska, and carry them with me across the finish line. For those of you who received a fundraising letter from me in the mail, I hope to get a ribbon in the mail to each of you in the next few days that you can mail back to me. Help me honor those you love.

Email me, if you want to send me a name, or if you want more information about either of the two parties.

Thank you so much!

Oh, and be thinking of me on Saturday as I run eighteen miles for the first time.

The Nutritionist

2006-05-04T09:54:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure why writing down what I've eaten for the last three days and handing it over to a stranger to critique is scary as all hell.

But it is scary as all hell.

That said, in some ways it passed with flying colors. I don't eat enough green things, I need to be religious about that calcium pill... but apparently the balance of carbs and proteins was great, and I didn't seem to have a problem with sweets (ha, ha, fooled her... but hey, I confessed to both the popsicle and a chocolate truffle (if only there had really been just the one...)).

She even said that it looks like I'm getting close to enough protein. The problem is, apparently I'm a little low in the calorie department, which means my body probably isn't successfully using all of that protein to rebuild muscle... some of it is being burnt up for energy.

Most of our little session was aimed at finding ways to keep me from getting sick on long runs. Her advice: eat more during the run. Basically she wants me to consume 100 calories every half hour to forty five minutes followed by a 300-400 calorie recovery meal that is not a substitute for breakfast, lunch or dinner. That should get my calories up to where they should be and should prevent my body from consuming muscle while I run. Oh, and I'm supposed to add a daily yogurt and some kind of vegetable and come back and see her in two weeks.

I'm kind of sad that she didn't calculate my body fat... just because nobody has ever done it and I'm curious, but ah well.

So Saturday I ran 14 miles in Brooklyn... from my friend's apartment, through Prospect Park and down to Coney Island. It was fun, but, surprise, surprise, I definitely got sick afterwards and was pretty much a zombie for the rest of the day, right Roger? It was sixty degrees and gorgeous thouugh... which was nice. Last night I had a terrible run in Atlanta. I went around 6:30 and the humidity was so bad you could cut the air with a knife... plus I hadn't taken my allergy pill... so I gave up after 4 miles because I was gasping for air... and because my hip was bothering me. Well, the hip bothered me all last night... everytime I rolled over I experienced a searing jolt of pain in my left hip. Today it hurts to walk, and I'm limping around. I guess that running tonight is out of the question.

At the moment I hate running, I'm so frustrated with playing catch up after the neck thing. I'm so frustrated with getting sick after every long run. I just want to go lie on the beach for two weeks and not move. But I'm sure this too shall pass.

Okay, back to final papers.

Back in the Groove... Sort of

2006-04-27T11:14:00.000-04:00

Hoorah..my neck has long since stopped hurting and I have successfully eased myself back into running. I took an entire week off to let things heal, and then ran greatly reduced mileage last week because I was having trouble starting back up. I don't think it helped that it was much hotter here last week than it has been. Anyway, I managed an 8 mile run on Monday, and another one last night, without too many problems. The last mile last night was a little painful because I developed some blisters on my left foot. Also, last night's run made me realize that I should invest in some reflective gear. Running in the dark, in the rain, with lightening, is not the smartest move in the book (and yes, I know, reflective gear will only get me so far). Still, the rain (and the darkness) helped with the temperature, and I've been too tired to get out the door early in the morning this week...

So my new running hurdle is traveling. I was in Charlottesville last weekend, and suprise, surprise, did not manage to fit in my long run. This weekend I'm going to be in New York, and I tried calling the Team in Training office so that I could attend a group training session there. Well, it turns out that they aren't having any this weekend. Instead I could sign up to run a half marathon in Queens for $20. This might be the best solution, but I was hoping to get in 15 or 16 miles this week, so I am a little disappointed. My other option is to just run several loops around Central Park. If anyone reading this is a runner in New York city who would be up for a long run this weekend, do get in touch with me. These things are so much better with company. On the bright side, the highs in New York this weekend will be in the sixties and seventies, which is exciting, given that it was 86 degrees on Monday when I pounded out my eight miles. Thank god my marathon is in Alaska...

Pain in the Neck

2006-04-17T10:51:00.000-04:00

Sorry I haven't written in awhile, things have been kind of crazy and life has literally been a pain in the neck. The first week of April brought with it thunderstorms, which for me means migraines. I had a migraine that Monday, and another one the following Monday, and in between I tried to fit in my running and my schoolwork. The problem is that the medication leaves me fairly useless and the headache tends to linger so by the end of the week I was a little frustrated. Then I got an email canceling that Saturday's group training session because it was supposed to thunderstorm. I panicked. I was worried about missing that run, and getting another migraine and not being able to make it up. So I did an idiotic thing. I called Su and talked her into going for a ten mile run right then. It was Friday night, around 6:30 or 7 and I hadn't been planning my eating around running for two hours. The run went great, but then I got sick to my stomach, and stayed that way most of the weekend. Apparently the culprit is probably dairy, so I'm trying to give up milk within 24 hours of running. We'll see how that works. Anyway, Monday I went for a five mile run, and later in the day enjoyed my second migraine in so many weeks. I came back to my apartment and went to sleep and slept and slept. I woke up on Tuesday with a stiff neck. You know, the crick in your neck that signals that you slept funny and usually goes away within a day?

Well seven days later I still can't turn my head to look over my right shoulder without pain, and I haven't been able to run this entire time because the jarring motion would have made the neck worse. I did go to doctor and got some lovely painkillers and muscle relaxants, and things have definitely started to improve. I might be able to run again tomorrow. The problem is, I'm going to have start back a little slow, which is really frustrating. But I guess that is life. As the doctor said, at least you didn't hurt your leg. I almost think I would have been less frustrated with a running related injury. But maybe it has been good for my body to have a little time off of running, and hopefully this won't set me back too much.

Recommitment

2006-03-31T11:13:00.000-05:00

So on Wednesday I officially signed over the next two and a half months of my life to Team in Training. You might be asking yourself, what? I thought you did that a long time ago? True, true, but now they have my credit card number. Now if I don't raise my $4,350 my credit card will make up the difference. Now they will officially register me in the race, book my hotel, sign me up for the pasta dinner. Of course, the second I sent out my first fundraising letter I had already essentially committed to running the marathon. I mean, of course injury could have give me an out, but otherwise, just imagine writing the letter "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Blank, Thank you so much for your donation. I've decided I'm too busy to train for the marathon, and of course your donation is non refundable, but it is a good cause, so thanks, and thanks on behalf of the Leukemia and Lymphoma society." Nobody would ever talk to me again. Sigh. So nothing has really changed, except that they have my credit card number.

But the fundraising is going well, I'm getting close to 2/3 of the way. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how many more donations my letters will generate at this point, which means I might have to plan events or get creative for the last chunk. At the moment grad school is kicking my ass, so... I keep telling myself, "there will be plenty of time to do that kind of thing come May." In related news, it looks like my brother is going to win my NCAA pool (set up so that 50% would go to charity and 50% would go to the winner). He has told me that he will donate it back, which is awesome. But at the same time, having spent twenty three years competing with my brother it kind of rankles that he is going to win (I'm sitting in second, but can only win if George Mason beats UCLA in the final). I mean, he hasn't watched a single basketball game the entire tournament. Whereas I, I have deprived myself of sleep on numerous occassions and was so going to win the whole thing of Connecticut had just beaten George Mason. That one win would have made it very hard for him to catch me, and now, now.... now it rankles.

Okay, so now time for the running. The running has been rough lately. Last week was good, and I know I didn't post, I'm sorry. But I followed the schedule pretty closely. I ran:

Monday - rest
Tuesday - 5 miles
Wednesday - 8 miles
Thursday - 5 miles
Friday - rest
Saturday - 12 miles
Sunday - rest

Total: 30

This week, every run has been terrible. Every single one. Last thursday I was so excited that the five miles felt good the day after the eight. I whipped them out with very little problem, and I thought that I was finally getting on top of this whole running thing. And even Saturday's 12 were okay. Then my sleep got thrown off, the weather changed, and now, every mile is a chore. So this week, so far:

Monday - rest (I know, I'm a wuss)
Tuesday - 5 miles
Wednesday - 8 miles
Thursday - rest (but I had a good reason)
Friday - 12 miles (it was supposed to be 14, but Amy had to get home... this one wasn't my fault)
Total so far: 25

So at this point, I'm 7 miles down on my mileage, but I'll run some of those tomorrow. Still, there is no way I'll make up all of them. I feel slightly defeated, especially by the 12 miles today instead of 14. Oh well, at least I should still be able to get above the 30 mile mark this week. Okay, that is all for now. I need to go feed myself. Funny how a bowl of cereal just doesn't hold you that well through a 12 mile run. I've already burned of 1,200 calories today and consumed less than 500 (can't forget that gatorade). I think I shall remedy that with some pasta. Yummm pasta.

"nasty"

2006-03-19T10:34:00.000-05:00

Last night I was playing a game with some friends called "apples to apples." Basically the way the game works is one person pulls a green card that is an adjective of some sort. They read the card and everybody else pulls a card out of their hand and throws it down. Then the person who read the green card picks the best response. It is supposed to be a word association game, but you get rewarded for speed so that isn't always the case. Anyway, someone threw down the card "running a marathon" in response to "nasty." This provoked a conversation as to just how nasty and gory running a marathon could be, including a discussion of bleeding nipples. The consensus was that "running a marathon" was quite nasty, and Lucas pointed at me and repeated "nasty" several times before deciding that another card was worse. The whole thing was very funny, and leads in to a question that is being asked of me more and more often... Why a marathon?

My mentor, Lisa, has run thirty six. She has also run two ultras (50 miles). She was running one every month for awhile and has been known to run two marathons within a week of each other. She loves hilly courses. She scares me. After talking about her thirty-six marathons, Su asked her why. What is it about running a marathon that would drive you to run thirty-six. Her answer, "when I ran my first marathon, I thought, I should have been doing this all my life, it just felt so good." She claims she ran he last six miles with a doofy elated grin that scared the people at the water stations.

That has to be a one in a million reaction to running a marathon. I can't believe that most of us finish our first marathon and find that it feels right to run for four hours. That it somehow fills a hole we never knew we had. That we were born to run, the way that Lisa feels as though she was born to run. I certainly don't feel that in my training runs. Instead they are predictably painful. Prior to yesterday I had never run ten miles. Now I have. How did the extra two miles feel? They hurt enough that my legs were sore yesterday and today. Which is not to say that they weren't satisfying. I am proud that I ran them. I am very proud that I ran 10 miles in one and hour and 38 minutes, because that means I was running sub-ten minute miles. But never, not for one moment did I feel elation.

So most likely, I will not feel as Lisa did during the last six miles of my marathon. But I never thought that I would. Still, I've already picked out two marathons that I want to run someday. The Marine Corps Marathon (I'm from DC after all) and The Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco (you get a Tiffany's finisher necklace). And in the back of every marathoner's mind (if I can claim that moniker) is the Boston. Consequently, unless things go very poorly in Alaska, there is a good chance that I will train for another marathon, or two or three in my life. Maybe even more. Hopefully I will not run thirty-six.

But all of this still hasn't answered the question of why I would run a marathon at all. I knew one person growing up who ran marathons, and I always had a certain amount of awe for her. So at some point in my childhood running a marathon took on the significance of being the ultimate feat of physical endurance and dedication and part of me has always wanted to rise to that challenge. Also, setting the goal of completing a marathon, has led me to become a much more disciplined and regular runner. Now on cold and rainy days, I find myself squeezing in my run anyway. This spring it has kept me from getting bored with running, or at least kept me running even during the weeks that I would really rather not.

I don't know what crossing the finish line will feel like. I hope that I do feel elation. I hope that I don't wonder too much why anyone would ever do this to their body. I hope that my nipples don't bleed.

This week in running:

Monday - 5 miles
Tuesday - 4 miles
Wednesday - 8 miles
Thursday - rest
Friday - rest
Saturday - 10 miles
Sunday - 3-4 miles???

Total: 30 miles

Tunes

2006-03-14T18:55:00.000-05:00

Today I wiped my 512 mb flash mp3 player clean and loaded 126 new songs. Apparently 150 miles is about when I max out on the same six or seven cds (on shuffle of course) accompanying my every run. Well, almost every run, not the group training sessions and not when I decide to run hilly windy roads that don't have sidwalks, so maybe I max out on 100 miles. Anyway, goodbye to the Killers, Belle & Sebastian's Boy with an Arab Strap, Modest Mouse, Tegan and Sara's Under Feet Like Ours, the Decemberist's, Death Cab for Cutie, and Jem. Hello to Belle & Sebastian's The Life Pursuit, Tegan and Sara's This Business of Art, The Cardigans, The Squirrel Nut Zippers (which is going to have to go 'cause my mp3 player hates it), The Beatle's A Hard Day's Night, the Clash, and the Magnetic Fields. I went on my first run with my new tunes today and I have to say it just didn't feel right. When a song from the old mix would come on I would have all kinds of running associations with it, like "oh, I was dying on that hill the last time this came on... it is much better on a flat section." Or "oh good this is a great song to finish on." With this new set of songs I don't know what will work for what. I don't know what song to hope for. At the same time, I had reached the point where I needed to mix up the routine. I need new running routes, I need new music. I need to actually be taking a spring break right now instead of spending my break doing the same things (working at kaplan, running, and reading). The only thing that has changed is that I don't have to go to class and I feel the tremendous need to churn out some written product in order to avoid the perhaps inevitable nervous breakdown which is currently pencilled in my planner for April 17th.

The good news is that I had a decent 10k experience on Saturday. Su and Mark and I skipped the GTS and drove to Mableton, GA to race (and Isabelle came too!). My goal was to run the 6.2 miles in less than 55 minutes and I managed to slip in with a 54:34 (which is an extremely inaccurate time). According to the results six other women and I all finished in 54:34 (this race did not utilize the champion chip). Also there were over 1,000 participants and no attempt to divide people into pace groups, so it took awhile after the gun to even get up to the starting line. As a result my actual time could be anywhere from 30 seconds to 45 seconds faster. I didn't run the race as strategically as I should have. I definitely ran miles two and three faster than they should have been, and as a result was suffering by mile five. Mark blew past me around 5.5 and at that point I was pretty defeated... though I managed to keep him in my sights and finished within about 10 seconds or so (I swear it was closer than that... men and women finished on separate sides and I think that someone wasn't handling their timer correctly). God, I'm a competitive child. Anyway, goal accomplished which felt great. Except that I pushed that last half a mile perhaps a little too hard and proceeded to get sick again. Training for a marathon makes you extremely aware of your body and how easily it can tyrranize you. Although, I swear at mile 5 I gave myself a pep talk that amounted to something along the lines of "yes, you can stop now, but you don't need to stop. If you stop it is because you are mentally weak, not because your body is not capable of finishing and you will have to live with the knowledge that you gave up." Needless to say, I kept going. So I'm not sure, both mind over matter and matter over mind seem to have been in play.

Tomorrow I'm going to try my first eight mile run. I'm excited. This is the first time that the distance on the schedule is more than I've previously run. I mean, last saturday should have been eight miles, but I opted for the race instead. So after tomorrow I will be in unfamiliar territory, which is thrilling. Since I'm desperate for some new scenery I think I will drive somewhere and spend the afternoon running tomorrow (that almost resembles Spring Break).

In other news, I've realized that this whole fundraising thing is like a second job. There is always some task waiting to be done. Right now it is two thank you letters and another batch of fundraising letters (to people I missed the first time). I also need to start sending out the little thank you gifts to those who have donated $100 or more and try to get more people to join my NCAA pool... do you see what I mean?

Sigh. There just aren't enough hours in the day.

Anyway last week in review:

Monday - rest
Tuesday - 4 miles
Wednesday - 6 miles
Thursday - 4 miles
Friday - rest
Saturday - 6.2
Sunday - rest (my back was hurting... I don't run when my back hurts)

Total: 20.2

So far this week:

Monday - 5 miles
Tuesday - 4 miles
Wednesday- 8????

More Pictures

2006-03-05T23:20:00.000-05:00

(Kathleen, Mark, Melanie, Su, Tedd)

(Stretching)

(Picnic at the Pavillion)

(random people)

Another Week

2006-03-05T22:23:00.000-05:00

So, another week is officially down.

By the end of each day for the last several days I've been exhausted, to a level I'm not used to. I fall into bed and feel absolutely incapable of getting up, and then, if I'm lucky I slip into dreamless sleep and wake up the next morning feeling less tired. Unfortunately that hasn't always been happening. Sometimes I can't sleep, but more often I sleep alright and then wake up still feeling incapable of movement. Something has to give. Last night I just couldn't get warm, I finally put on a hat (in addition to the five blankets I already had piled one me) and woke up at 10 still tired.

But, I did manage to get in my runs. I ran 5.5 miles on Tuesday, 4 miles on Wednesday, and 7 on Thursday (I got lost... it was only supposed to be 6), 6 miles on Saturday, and 3 miles today, making a grand total of: 25.5. So my mileage has been increasing nicely.

In other running news, I think I'm going to skip the group training session next Saturday and run a 10k with some of my Team in Training Friends. The Silver Comet 10k is one of the last Peachtree Qualifying races and it would be cool to qualify for one of the early time groups. The Peachtree Road Race, for those of you not from Atlanta, is Atlanta's big race. It takes place on the 4th of July and in order to race it you have to send in your registration card the day it appears in the AJC (which is March 18th). Now, Atlanta on the 4th of July is always ridiculously hot and ridiculously humid, but a ton of people turn out, some wearing unusual attire, and race 6.2 miles anyway. And so, I've decided that post-marathon I will join the insanity. You know, when in Rome do as the Romans?

Today when I was running my measly 3 miles, my legs felt like lead and just about every five steps I wanted to turn around and go home. But I didn't. However, after a little more than a mile, this girl trotted past me, this beautiful blonde, leggy girl. She blew past me as though I were standing still. I wasn't running particularly fast, more sort of trudging along, but she still put me to shame. I realized I'd been sort of shuffling along, focusing on my pain and tiredness, so I tried to shake it off and keep up with her. You know, trail her from a comfortable distance. That worked until we reached a hill, and then I realized that I really was in pain and tired, and I decided that trudging was okay. But this girl, with her taunting, swinging gold ponytail, who didn't seem to be sweating or breathing heavily, and looked like she was prepared to go for miles, seemed to be put on this earth solely to torture me. I wish I had tripped her when she ran past.

On that charitable note, I finally got my fundraising letters out, for the most part, and I'm starting to get donations in which is very exciting. Thank you everyone who has donated (or plans on donating!) I'm going to set up a March Madness fundraiser, so stay tuned.

Anyway, my goal this week is to finally make it to the grocery store for a real shop (I've done that twice since winter break so it is definitely time). After I get some real food in my apartment, I'm going to try to start paying attention to what I eat, because maybe that is why I'm so tired. Also, it might be time for allergy medication. I can't believe it is actually spring already here. All of the trees are flowering, and it is warm most days. Crazy.

Oh, and I have pictures from Saturday. After our run there was a picnic, which was cool...except it was like 9:30 or 10, so it was a little difficult to choke down fried chicken and sandwiches. So most of the pictures are of the picnic, but there is one of people stretching, and there is one of Melanie, Tedd, Mark, Su, and a woman whose name I can't remember... they were my running buddies on Saturday.

Running Myself Ragged

2006-03-01T23:07:00.000-05:00

So I feel very remiss in my duties to any faithful readership I might have out there, but this week has been really crazy and I just haven't had time to write. I still don't, so this is me officially stealing time.

Anyway, where were we? Last week's long run was by far the most miserable yet. It was about 50 degrees but with a steady cold rain. My group decided that despite the weather, we were going to run six miles. I started out in shorts, a cotton t-shirt, and a fleece pullover (the sports kind that actually doesn't absorb water like a sponge). Unfortunately after a mile and a half, I decided to leave my fleece at a water stop because I was hot. On seeing my cotton t-shirts my running buddies chided me, but I figured I'd be fine. Oh was I wrong. The rain picked up, and soon my cold soaked t-shirt was clinging to my stomach as I ran. I would have been warmer if I had taken it off and run in my bra (next time... next time). Anyway, every part of me was cold, my legs my arms, and most especially my stomach... which isn't a fun state of being. Also, there were hills, lots of them. But, we stuck together as a group (Lisa, Tedd, Melanie, and I... though Lisa always went ahead on the hills and then slowed down so we could catch up... she claims the hills are her favorite part, she certainly takes them quickly).

After the run, Su and I decided to get a hot breakfast and we tried out the Atlanta Bread Company, which we chose because it always has a full parking lot when we drive past it. The food was a little pricey, but very good, and unforunately, very heavy. We were both still cold (and sopping wet) so we ordered the most decadent hot chocolate that I've ever had (complete with whip cream and lots of chocolate shavings). I got french toast as well, and Su got crepes stuffed with apples and pecans. So, in addition to learning that cotton really is a terrible fabric to run in on a rainy day, I also learned that eating a lot of rich, heavy food, after running six miles, doesn't agree with my stomach. I promptly got sick, went home, and slept most of the afternoon away. I hope it was the food and not the run, because otherwise this could be a problem.

Sunday I went to our honored hero party, and met Elijah Cox as well as some other cancer patients and cancer survivors. The honored hero for the San Diego marathon just found out that she is officially in remission and is actually planning on running the San Diego Marathon, which I think is fantastic. The actual event didn't leave much space for meaningful interaction with the honored heros (there were just too many people), but it was still worthwile. You could tell that the fundraising efforts mean a lot to the families involved, and it was good to talk to some Team in Training people while eating cookies instead of running. Most of the pictures that I added are from that event. The pictures of me looking cold in a parking lot are from a couple of weeks ago.

so I really need to get some work done, but I will write more soon...

Pictures?

2006-02-26T23:13:00.000-05:00

Abby

2006-02-19T20:43:00.000-05:00

This week was a not so good running week. Things were just off. I felt tired and burned out and as the last entry testified, I just didn't want to run. I never felt injured, but my legs felt like lead, and my runs were sluggish, especially those at the first part of the week. After taking Thursday off, things started to turn around a little.

Thursday was supposed to be a running day, but I had reading to finish for my 1:00 Milton class and after teaching Kaplan, I did not have the energy to run. It was truly a shame, because Thursday was a fabulously gorgeous day. It was mid to upper seventies and sunny and I found myself slipping outside just to sit for a few more minutes before class started and enjoy the weather. Figures that the one great weather day last week was one of the few days that I did not run.

However, maybe taking Thursday off helped me recover a bit. My Friday run, I was feeling strong at the end of the two mile portion so I picked up the speed a bit. One strategy for building speed overall is to do just that. Speeding up the last third of your training runs helps your body learn to move quickly when it is already tired and is a much more effective place to run quickly than earlier in a race. Anyway, that extra push at the end of that run was a blast. I charged up the hill by the church and then carried that speed down the hill into my complex, feeling great.

Saturday at our Group Training Session, I ended up going at a good clip again. Four of us had decided to do five miles instead of four (well five of us if you count Su... I'll explain in a moment). Anyway, somehow I ended up running with this guy (I can't remember his name for the life of me) who had decided not to bring a map, and who was much faster than I was. Anyway this guy, lets call him Mark, set a fast pace, but not so fast that I couldn't handle it. I firmly believe that I could have stayed with him for the whole run, but I would have been very tired at the end and he would not have been. Anyway Mark and I caught up to a group of three San Diego runners who were going slower and we settled in with them for awhile because they knew the route. But when we got to the second water stop, three of us decided to go ahead. So now it was Mark, Kreuger and I. Now Krueger is forty-three and in spectacular shape. That man could have put both Mark and I to shame. He can run 10 miles at an 8 minute mile pace, so our "fast" pace was not taxing him at all.

Anyway, the three of us were all doing well when we saw Su, all alone, tooling down the other side of the road. I shouted over at her to find out what she was doing and discovered that she had decided at the last minute to do five but was accidentally running the loop backwards. I talked her into joining us and we all ran together for another half mile or so and then the boys started to pull in front. Su looked really tired and I didn't know whether to try and stay with the boys or stay with Su. I decided that since we weren't really supposed to go all out on these runs slowing down would be the best option. But I think that bothered Su more than if I'd just kept going. At this point we were back on the course that all the runners had been on, so the solution came about half mile later when we caught up to some other runners and Su ran with them, while I tried to catch the guys.

Needless to say, I failed. But I came close. They were never out of sight, and I think if we had gone another half mile or so I could have caught them. Regardless, again it felt good to go a little faster. Although I don't think we actually went five miles. I tried to clock the distance using g-maps pedometer this time, and if I got it right the run was almost exactly four miles and I think that TNT's blatant exaggeration is flat out mean. I would have run five miles, but they thwarted me. Evil TNT.

I didn't want to run today but I was being such a grumpy pain in the ass that I made myself go. Despite my speedy Friday and Saturday runs, my run today felt great. I timed it and pushed the end again. This one was 3.4 miles at a sub nine pace. Which isn't crazy fast, but definitely respectable. So the second half of the week fared much better than the first.

This week's clinic's focus was fundraising, which was fitting as I now have my letters 98% ready to go (there are a few problems with some of the labels). Most of the presentation was pretty repetitive (there is a huge fundraising section in my binder) but at the end things got a little more interesting. There was a guy who set up a not-for-profit company with the purpose of supporting team in training fundraising and cancer research because his seven year old son is currently in remission. He makes camouflage t-shirts that are customizable. Apparently the morning after his son was declared officially in remission he came downstairs wearing camouflage. When they asked him why, he said it was because he was fighting a war and he didn't want the enemy to find him. I can't find the guy's website (I grabbed a flyer, but am not sure where I put it, but his story was very moving).

I also found out there are little purple bracelets like the Lance Armstrong bracelet to show your support for the cause. I bought some to sell or give in return for a donation, mainly because it feels like a less awkward way to ask relative strangers for money. I don't really have a strategy yet, but Kristen is going to sell some to her friends. Yay Kristen.

Anyway, I was searching the internet for different bracelet options (there is a 'cancer sucks' bracelet and a red leukemia bracelet as well) when I came across a really moving website about a little girl named Abby. Abby is a four year old who is now in remission after a two year bout with Leukemia. Her parents set up the site to keep friends and family informed while she was sick. One of the things that they did is create a slideshow illustrating a year in the life of their little girl. It is heartwrenching. Having never had to watch someone I love go through chemotherapy it was an important thing for me to see. It helped me understand better what team I am on and what I am fighting for. As Su said it reminds you that "people are so fragile, yet so resilient." I am so glad that Abby has won her fight against cancer.

Next time I have bad day, or week, or run, hopefully I'll remember Abby and her family and get some much needed perspective and inspiration.

This week in summary:

Monday: rest
Tuesday: 3 miles
Wednesday: 5 miles
Thursday: rest
Friday: 3 miles
Saturday: 4-5 miles (I think it was 4)
Sunday: 3 miles
Total: 18-19

I Just Don't Want To

2006-02-17T11:02:00.000-05:00

Basically I'm writing this post as a way of talking myself into getting out the door this morning (or afternoon) and actually going for my three mile run. For all the times I've run when I'm hurt, or want to run when I'm not supposed to, there are an equal number of times when nothing is really wrong but I just don't want to run. Today's excuses: I didn't sleep well last night, I'm waking up slowly, and my stomach feels just a little bit off. Those aren't the worst excuses in the world, but they certainly aren't the best.

Part of it is just that I'm in a bad mood this morning. Part of it is that I totally wiped out when I ran on Wednesday. Here is what happened: I was about two miles into a five mile run and I was moving from the street up onto the grass and felt a little bit dizzy and then couldn't quite find my sense of balance and bham i was flat on the ground. I scraped up my leg and had a grass stain on my shoulder. But mainly I was just a little shocked. I lay on the ground for a few minutes watching the cars go by and wondering if I should just hike home. I also wondered what in the world the people driving past me had thought. I mean: Runner, runner running, runner vertical, runner horizontal, wait, what? Obviously nobody was too concerned because nobody stopped to see if I needed help (that would have been slightly mortifying). Anyway, after a few seconds I managed to stand up, and figured since I was almost half way done I would keep going. But after I finished I felt sick for the next couple hours: nauseous and tired and just not well. It wasn't exactly an inspiring experience.

With a little bit of hindsight I think the whole falling thing was a little bit of karma catching up with me for all the times I've wished in the last week for some olympic athlete to take a spectacular fall. Why is falling entertaining? If I had been driving past me when I fell, I probably would have laughed. Bad Lynn, bad, bad Lynn.

In other running related news. Su and I managed to stuff all my envelopes. I just need to go print out return address labels and stick them on all the letters (almost 100!) . Oh and my hip is feeling a lot better (though not completely healed)

But back to today. I could put on my running clothes and hope that pushes me out the door. I could wait until after I tutor Jason, which would mean trying to fit in a run between 5 and 7:30, but maybe I would actually want to run by then. Sigh. Just writing those sentences is enough for me to realize that if this is going to happen today it has to happen soon. So I guess I should stop procrastinating and go.

Random Musings

2006-02-12T21:25:00.000-05:00

I have always loved the Olympics. When we all lived at home my little sisters would groan whenever the Olympics rolled around because I would never let them change the channel. I can get excited about almost any sport in the Olympics (okay, I can get excited about just about any sport), I love the displays of pure heart, I love the underdogs, I love the dazzling athleticism of it all. Needless to say, I have been having trouble turning off the television these past two days. But the reason that I'm beginning this whole entry with talk of Olympics, is because growing up, winning an Olympic medal (heck lets be honest, participating in the Olympics) seemed to be the ultimate in achievements. Unrealistic, yes, but still watching the games in Torino some of the old hunger comes back (I once spent an entire winter ice skating for six hours a day on the pond in our backyard in Michigan because my mom told me that Olympic figure skaters trained for 4-6 hours a day.) Anyway, watching the Olympics this year, I am glad that I have an athletic goal to work towards (and a more realistic one at that). It makes me feel some level of kinship with the people hurtling down the mountains in Italy, thank God I'm not that crazy.

So this week we had our GTS (Group Training Session) in Brookhaven. It was basically the same route that I ran when I ran with the running club a few weeks ago, except a little longer. I had people over for dinner on Friday night, so waking up at 6:45 in the morning after several glasses of wine was difficult to do. Around 5 I woke up just enough to hear rain bombarding my roof. When I pried myself out of bed at 6:45 it was cold and still raining and I had nothing to eat for breakfast. I forced some really awful oatmeal down (it was regular flavored instant oatmeal and I had nothing good to add to it and I overcooked it so it tasted like glue). Then I went and picked up Su and headed up to the running store where we were meeting for our shoe clinic. I didn't need new shoes, but if you run, please, please, please go to an actual running store and have them evaluate your pronation tendencies and pick shoes that will be appropriate for you, otherwise you will get hurt. You will get shin splints. You will get tendonitis. You will suffer. So, even though I didn't need the shoe clinic I wanted to make sure that Su went, so she could get the spiel from someone other than me. Anyway, by 9:00 we were finally ready to run and God was it more painful than last weekend. Never mind the rain, the hills were deadly. The course was up and down and up and down, and just when it is almost over, there is one last hill, higher and steeper than all the rest. Since I'd run a shorter version of the same route at least I knew it was the last hill, and I happily shared that knowledge, not quite expecting Tedd to decide to go faster. He charged the hill. I don't charge hills. Maybe on race day, but I did not know where this whole charging the hill business was coming from, after all, last week he was upset we were running four miles and not three and this week he wanted to charge the freaking hill! I told him I didn't think I wanted to take it quite that fast and dropped back a few steps as he mumbled that he just wanted the pain to end more quickly. As soon as I dropped back, I realized I couldn't quite take being left behind, so I caught back up with him and pushed up the hill as well. We pushed all the way to the end and caught up with the front group (who were stuck at a traffic light).

So about that front group... Last week everyone kind of ran together, but this time not so much. Maybe it was because of the hills but people got pretty spread out. And there were four - six people who pulled ahead right after the first water stop and then just stayed up there. The funny thing was, they didn't ever really increase the distance between them and the rest of us. I mean, if it had been a race (and they hadn't been stopped by that traffic light) they might have won by 45 seconds to a minute tops. It just didn't seem necessary to me to forego that group dynamic for such a slightly faster pace. Especially since one of the runners responsible for the whole pulling ahead business was my mentor, who supposedly is supposed to be trying to create a good group dynamic. The whole mentoring business mystifies me. Su's mentor seems to think her job is to be Su's best friend and run at her pace and orient her whole running life around supporting Su. Mine has spoken less than five seconds to me. But I think I like mine better than Su's, just because I would feel smothered. I'm just not that big of a joiner and the idea of a personal cheerleader is almost appalling.

After the run Su and I tried to clock the distance. It felt so much longer than four miles. I definitely got lost trying to re-create the route, but I think I finally got it right the last time through. Unfortunately, according to my odometer, we ran almost exactly four miles (which means those were four slow and painful miles). At one point as we were driving I asked Su, "hey, did we run past this, I don't remember it." I was referring to the giant country club on the right side of the road, 100 meters later on seeing a porta-potty in the front yard of a house I exclaimed "yes, we definitely ran this way, people stopped here to pee." Sad that a porta-potty is more memorable than a country club. Weird that people freely used every porta-potty in sight. Can you imagine living in that house? Of course the porta-potties were there because construction was going on, so maybe the houses were uninhabited (we passed about four porta johns in our four mile trek), but still...

Today Su and I went running around Lullwater which was a nice change of pace. It was fun to get off of the roads and on to some trails. We even explored some really rough trails which reminded me of running in Charlottesville. Christina and I used to run in some pretty wild places. Ah C-ville, how I miss you.

So, my plan is to write my fundraising letter by Tuesday and have an anti-valentine's day envelope stuffing party with Su while watching the Olympics and Gilmore Girls. You are all forewarned, if I have your address I will send you mail. If I don't have your address, fork it over...

This week in summary:

Monday - off
Tuesday - 3 miles
Wednesday - 4 miles
Thursday - off
Friday - 3 miles
Saturday - 4 miles
Sunday - 3 miles

Total: 17 miles

The Threat of Injury

2006-02-06T17:05:00.000-05:00

I awoke dreaming pain, remembering the dream of pain, not sure of the distance between reality and dream. I dreamt the pulsing, pounding, excruciating pain behind my eye, the tormented compulsion to toss, to turn, to move, to pace. I dreamt a headache, a migraine, my own private impenetrable torture. And I awoke, wondering if the dream was real, had I simply failed to wake from the pain? or is my mind capable of recreating the experience that vividly in sleep? I do not know the truth. I'm not sure that the truth matters.

This of course has nothing to do with running. Except that pain, the dream of pain, the spectre of pain, and the fear of pain belong both to sleep and to life, and have everything to do with running. Most of us see the act of running as being to some degree traumatic or massochistic. A runner pushes the limits of their body. Learning to judge pain and interpret its meanings makes you a better runner, a healthier runner. Nevertheless, as a runner you stand forever on the threshold between pleasure and agony. Push too far, and your body will punish you for punishing it. Even the best of runs is traumatizing in that it destabilizes the prior equilibrium of life and body. The best run leaves you sweaty, thirsty, tired, and simultaneously happier and refreshed. And then there is the always mentioned runner's high. Running produces addictive endorphins, leaving you euphoric and eager for more.

But what happens when that euphoria is accompanied by pain? by injury? Is it wrong to love the aches, the limps, the injuries that mark your tortured body, because in them is the memory of pleasure? Is it wrong to push through that pain, knowing that such a disavowal of your body's wants, needs and desires will only lead to more pain? Did I dream pain because I love pain?

This is a very long way of saying that my hip is bothering me and that I am trying to let it heal and not run. This is also a way of saying that I enjoy way my stomach feels as though somebody has been digging at it with a grapefruit spoon from the ab exercises I did yesterday. At the same time, the spasms of pain that shoot down my hip if I step slightly awry and the pulsating pain of my dream-ache, scare me. I am frightened that my body won't allow me to train for this marathon. I am frightened of the pain that will amass over twenty-six miles. I am frightened by the fact that I knew when I signed up for this marathon that I was signing up for pain and yet I did it anyway. I am frightened that I awoke dreaming pain.

----

Anyway, I promised a summary of last week's running efforts, and so far I have not delivered. So in short, I managed 14 miles, running all my scheduled runs except for Sunday's, which I chose not to do because my hip needed to recover. I'm adding pilates to my regime in the hopes of making injury less likely and to help rehabilitate my hip (which is most likely hurting because of tightness in my lower back due to weakness in my abs... or so says runnersworld.com when I looked up hip pain and running). My goal for this week is to let my hip heal so that this does not become an ongoing saga. If I have to take the entire week off of running, I will do so. But I will try to substitute in some biking or swimming (whatever feels more comfortable).

Monday - rest
Tuesday - 4 miles
Wednesday - rest
Thursday - 4 miles
Friday - rest
Saturday - 6 miles
Sunday - rest/pilates

Total: 14 miles

'till next time :-)

Welcome to the Monkey House

2006-02-04T15:19:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure I have ever been as simultaneously scared and intrigued by a church as I was this morning, wending my way through the gigantic Peachtree Presbytarian church looking for the meeting room for the "Coach's Workshop" to start my training experience. This church scared me because it was so massive, and seemed to have so many types of things (gyms, cafeterias, fellowship rooms, classrooms, etc.) that I was half afraid I would be swallowed by the building. I swear you could live in this place, which is not what I want of a church. At the same time, it was so all-encompassing that I have to admit I'm now quite curious. What would it be like to go to a church like that? Presbytarianism is so main-stream, but... all I could think was CULT! it felt insidious... but maybe I just have a problem with all organized religion these days.

Anyway, today was my first team in training group training session. For about an hour and a half we had a "Coach's Workshop" where they talked to us about equipment, nutrition, hydration, running stride, etc. Since I've run before, it was kind of boring, and I found myself daydreaming about my bed and getting anxious about the run itself. Then we all went outside to warm-up and run with our teams. The Alaska team is smaller than the San Diego team so I'm not sure I made the right call, but I'm sure once I get to know my team I'll be happier with it.

Yesterday was beautiful, but today not so much. It was actually warmer when I woke up at 7 than it was when we started our run at 9:30. It wasn't really raining, but it was cold damp and windy. Our team went for four miles. We went out slow and stuck together more or less... which was kind of nice. I dropped my map very early and decided to go back for it, at which point I gave up on running with Su and her mentor (I felt like the third wheel there) and started running with this boy named Tedd. Tedd just moved here in November and has run a marathon before but he claims he is not a runner. I'm not really sure how that is possible, but he also claims that his marathon time was so bad that he was getting passed by walkers and he refused to tell me what his time was. Tedd had been hoping that we would run 3 miles, and I had been hoping we would run 5, so I decided to be his cheerleader of sorts. I ran with him the whole run and tried to be encouraging and distracting, and I think it worked for both of us. I stopped worrying about how much faster and longer I wanted to run and he was surprised at how easy the run felt. Though I did wonder if it was slightly emasculating for him...

So... as we were finishing our run, Tedd was running out of steam, and I decided at the last minute that I really wanted to extend my run. So, I headed back out and added on 2 - 2.5 miles on my run. During the Coach's session he said that we shouldn't run with a watch and that the course isn't exactly measured. He told us to leave our type-A personalities on the shelf, not to overdue it, and then claimed that men have more of a problem with that than women. I think I'm an exception to that rule (though I must admit that I'm offended by that concept in general. I challenge you to produce a guy that is more competitive than I am, and has more of a problem not competing than I do (Isn't it great that I perform my complexes as I talk about them)). Phew, okay, enough of the double parentheses stuff. Pretty much, with the exception of not running too fast (I was definitely running slower than usual) I broke every one of his rules. I ran with my watch, I drove my car around our route after the fact to find out just exactly how much we had ran, and I added mileage on to the run after it was finished. It really isn't my fault though that they tried to pass a 3.5 mile run off as a 4 mile run, or that the training schedule had said there would be an advanced group running 5 miles today, but the Alaska group only offered the option of 2 or 4. I swear I could have left my type A personality on the shelf if I wanted to. Of course, it wouldn't have stayed on the shelf for very long, I would have just run further tomorrow... :-)

On my "extra" run, I kept seeing people who were heading back in from their various training routes. I felt a little guilty every time I did so. Especially when I saw the head coach (whose advice I had ignored). They have "sweepers" who sweep the course looking for stragglers, they try to keep track of every one, you have to fight to escape the herd and then feel guilty about it afterwards. Hmmm... sounds a bit like... church? a cult? I mean, I've heard people say that running is their religion, but today cast a whole new light on that concept.

Anyway, since I'm not yet at the end of my week, I think I'll go ahead and post this and save the rest for tomorrow. Stay tuned...

This Week...

2006-01-30T00:17:00.000-05:00

This last week was crazy...

I ran on Monday, out of sheer emotional necessity... gotta love those endorphins. But, I was so tired that all I could manage was my little 1.6 mile loop. And then the week got away from me, it made the great escape and spun off into the wild oblivion of lost time (perhaps I carried that metaphor a little far). Pretty much what happened was that I locked myself out of my apartment Tuesday night which prevented me from running that day, from being on top of my school work, and led to a great degree of anxiety which didn't help anything.

So, by Friday I had not managed another run. I had planned on running 15 miles this week, and since my planner goes Monday - Sunday, I've decided to construe my week that way. As a result, when I took stock of the situation Friday morning I had to average three 4.5 mile runs to get my total up from 1.6 to 15. The amazing thing is that despite the fact that none of my runs previous to this week were even 4.5 miles... somehow I managed to achieve my goal.

On Friday, I ran down Briarcliff -> Johnson to Lenox Rd. and back and then ran around the neighborhood a bit to get Friday up to 45 minutes or approx. 4.5 miles. Ideally I would have run longer on Friday to increase my chances of success but I really wanted to run before I got my haircut so I would be able to enjoy my freshly styled hair for the rest of the day, and 45 minutes was all I could manage to squeeze in before my hair appointment.

Saturday, Su and I went to Piedmont park and ran for thirty five minutes. We circled the park several times and saw a few cute runner boys and a lot of cute dogs. I couldn't decide which species I wanted to take home with me more :-) I think the dogs won the day... especially since we discovered the dog park. I want a dog that I can take to the dog park and that I can take on runs... Anyway, I digress. Su was feeling a little injured and cramped up so she only went for thirty minutes, I managed an extra five so that I would have a little less mileage left for Sunday. After our run we went to the Flying Biscuit and gorged ourselves on french toast, biscuits and home fries. Yum. The beauty of running is a little guiltless gorging is always in order.

Today I managed to run for sixty minutes or approximately six miles. I'm not sure how much things are going to hurt tomorrow and I can't say that today's run was a good run necessarily. For much of the run I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. My right shin was bothering me a little, but not enough to compell me to stop. I felt slow and sluggish, and had trouble facing the many, many hills. I also didn't have a clearly thought out route, which might have helped. I almost called it quits around the forty minute mark. In fact I circled my apartment complex a few times before I decided that I did have it in me to do my two mile loop. After my run I sat by the pool and stretched and then submerged my right leg in the icy dirty pool water to thoroughly numb it in the hopes that I can avoid actually getting full blown shin splints. Right now I just feel twinges.... and some discomfort.

So, Tuesday is the kickoff meeting for Team in Training. Unfortunately I can't attend because I'll be teaching at Kaplan. But I should get my packet in the mail by Thursday and our first group training session is on Saturday. I'm kind of excited and sort of scared that it will be starting for real. My goal for this coming week is 17 miles, a little more evenly spread throughout the week. However, I think tomorrow needs to be a rest day :-)

I'm really proud of myself that I managed to eek out those last twenty minutes today. Sometimes the whole mind over body thing really works. Unfortunately, my body isn't quite used to this type of caloric expenditure. I feel like I've been eating all day, but I'm definitely quite hungry right now, as in my stomach is growling... and it is 12:30 at night!

Last week in summary:

Monday - 1.6 miles
Tuesday - Rest
Wednesday - Rest
Thursday - Rest
Friday - 4.5 miles
Saturday - 3.5 miles
Sunday - 6 miles

Total: 15.6 miles

Anyway, till next week (or perhaps sooner)

So maybe not an every day thing...

2006-01-22T22:50:00.000-05:00

at least on the posting here... But this week was a good week as far as running went. I ran five days for a total of 13.6 miles...

I tried running with a singles running group in Brookhaven. It was a lot of fun and I met some nice people, unfortunately now that classes are starting up I won't be able to make their wednesday night runs and morning runs on the weekend are always a daunting prospect. I think it was still worth going this week. I'd be less afraid to try something similar now and it was nice to meet some entirely new people. I also got some guy's phone number... too bad I'm not inclined to call.

I still have one more week until I get my training schedule and this whole thing officially begins. I'm worried that I'm expecting too much out of the experience. I'm asking it to fix my life, to make me like atlanta, to give me friends, to make me like myself, to make me happy. That's all... just that... and I know that those are unrealistic expectations, but at the same time I still can't help hoping that at least some of those things will happen.

It is funny because when I first signed up for the marathon and Team in Training I was freaking out about the fund raising aspect but now that I've started running more, all I think about is my feet hitting the pavement. The running itself is so tangible and real. I guess once I get my information about the fundraising that will also be rather tangible, but I will have to rely on other people to achieve that goal, whereas the running is all me. I like that both goals are relatively clearly defined and easily reachable... I mean, of course it will take a lot of effort and sweat, but in contrast to my long term professional and personal goals, these are much more clearly mine for the taking.

Anyway, this week in summary:

3 miles monday
2.8 miles tuesday
3.1 miles wednesday (with the running group)
1.6 miles thursday (was going to be a rest day but I needed the endorphins)
rest day friday
3.1 miles saturday (with Su)
rest day sunday

Total: 13.6 miles.

Next week's goal: 15 miles.

Day 3

2006-01-14T20:00:00.000-05:00

So today I have pain in my hip and lower back from yesterday's run, hence no running for me.

I did go to the interest meeting and officially register to train for a Marathon in June. I'm trying to decide between the Mayor's Midnight Sun Marathon and the San Diego Rock n' Roll Marathon. It seemed like all the cool kids at the interest meeting were planning on Alaska, so I'm sort of inclined to follow suit. It is supposed to be gorgeous.... and when else would I have such a great excuse to go to Alaska?

Official training doesn't begin until February, but I'm going to keep trying to log some miles and avoid injury at the same time.

Day 2

2006-01-13T12:28:00.000-05:00

Today I ran 3.1 miles... the weather held out for my run but now it is thundering out.... hopefully the combination of the storm and the run won't lead to a migraine.

For the last mile or so of my run I had some pain in my right shin. After I finished running I submerged my whole right leg in my apartment complex's pool for about ten minutes. It was excruciatingly cold and everything is definitely now numb. I really don't want to get injured before I even really start training so I might take tomorrow off / take it easy. As soon as I get my stipend check for February I'm going to buy new running shoes as I think I've almost maxed out the mileage on these ones. I also need to hunt for some better running grounds, the uneven pavement is rough on the joints.

Tomorrow is the info. meeting, after which I'll officially be training... how exciting is that?

Okay, shower time.

Hello

2006-01-12T19:29:00.000-05:00

Hi,

So I've decided to run a marathon... I think.

I plan on doing it through the Leukemia Society's Team in Training program and I'm going to the information meeting on Saturday.

In the meanwhile, I'm trying to get back solidly into running. I ran 2 miles today, which gets me up to a relatively unimpressive 7.2 miles thus far this year. However, you have to start somewhere, right? It was beautiful and sixty degrees in Atlanta today so I was wearing a t-shirt and shorts and everything felt great. Hopefully winter is already over here! Ha, ha, a girl can dream!